This One's For You

I LOVE YOU GOODBYE

Wish I could be the one, the one who could give you love
The kind of love you really need
Wish I could say to you that I'll always stay with you
But baby that's not me
You need someone willing to give their heart and soul to you
Promise you forever, baby that's something I can't do
I could say that I'll be all you need but that would be a lie
I know I'd only hurt you, I know I'd only make you cry
I'm not the one you're needing
I love you, goodbye
I hope someday you can find some way to understandI'm only doing this for you
I don't really wanna go but deep in my heart I know this is the kindest thing to do
You'll find someone who'll be the one that I could never be
Who'll give you something better than the love you'll find with me
I could say that I'll be all you need but that would be a crime
I know I'd only hurt you, I know I'd only make you cry
I'm not the one you're needing
I love you, goodbye
Leaving someone when you love someone is the hardest thing to do
When you love someone as much as I love you
Oh I don't wanna leave you, baby it tears me up inside
But I'll never be the one you're needing
I love you, goodbye
Baby, its never gonna work out
I love you, goodbye

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This is definitely for you. This song speaks my heart. Well, at least I guess so. One of my friends said that I’m closing my heart for this one person to come in the future. I close my heart, including from you.But do I really close my heart for everyone to come in??? The answer will be NO!!! I’m willing to open my heart just for anyone. But, please don’t hope too much from me, because I don’t wanna hurt you or anyone at all. Not this way. I was not intending to do it by any chance.
I just can’t be with you for some reasons that I don’t even know why I have those reasons, I don’t even know what. It’s just me. Not you… you definitely deserve someone better and that’s not me.
I’ll be here… getting ready to love and to be loved… anyone and by anyone… at all…

I Just Love...

Yeah… I just love. All I want to do now is just love someone who can love me back in return of course. Who would that be??? I still don’t know... Some people come and some people go. It seems I never ready for all those people to come and go. But they did. Seems like I never ready to love or to be loved. One of the reasons is that I’m still saving one special spot in my heart for that someone that I don’t even know if he loves me or not… part of my heart say that he is the one for me. But, who knows what tomorrow bring… I just hope that someone can really see that I love him, and willing to love me back in return… I just hope he knows…

Evil Me

First, I felt excited, then surprised and happy, and last, I felt like a true evil.
Why??? Well, just today at church, I saw him again. My first crush, ever. I even fell in love with him once or twice, although he wasn’t as good looking as he was when he was a lot younger back then. So, can you really call it love? Well, I’m a call it, unreachable love. Why??? Well, I never know him, up til now. I mean, seriously, I know him and I know he knows me. But, we never spoke to each other like two people who knew each other. Get my point??? We just know one and another without any further connection.
But, looked at him today or any other day after awhile, always bring that sort of feeling I cannot even explain, since I don’t know what it is myself. But, I kinda like it. Make me imagining something beautiful that he and I would have if we were together.
Back about why I felt like a true evil…
Well, what I remember was he with my elementary school’s friend, but she looked like ignoring him all along. Well, not along, or I don’t know, but that was what I saw two years ago at New Year’s party. I didn’t think that he deserved it. He deserved better, that is with me. And now, I saw him not with her anymore, but then I realised that they were sitting only two people away at the same row, and guess what? I was glad that they didn’t look like they were together again.
But, what is so good when I can’t have him anyway??? Well, by knowing that he will find someone better… Hope it could be me… =)

Panty Malfunction

Yess, that’s exactly what I’m going to write here… My panty was falling down. Apparently, I took the wrong panty. Just without looking I took the loose ones, since it was on the top of my panties drawer. Apparently… I think I ran out of panties. How come you ran out of panties??? Well, maybe it’s just me… Silly me. Lazy me to wash em or just dirrrty me??? I leave em all to you… =P
Now here’s the story… After I took that wrong panty, as usual I put on my jeans… and changed it afterwards with just a skirt. While I was walking to my friend’s place, I felt so unconfy down there and realized that it was my panty which was falling down. Unfortunately, there was no place for me to fix it, so… I walked awkwardly to my friend’s place. I tried to hold the panty with just my thighs. Lord have mercy on me.. I was about just took it off on the street full of people. I wonder what would it be if it really fell down… I’d be damned embarrassed!!! The good news was… I made it to my friend’s place without my loose panty hanging out raced the skirt bottom… =P No more using that one, Val!

The Child in Me

I’m not as grown up as you think I am. I still got the childish in me that often took me over. Wholly, solely.. and I just can’t get out.
Talk is easy. Talk is cheap. But the action to the words is definitely the hardest part of all. To be done, to be tried, even to begin. I wish I could apply the words I said to people, to my younger, even to my older friends… I don’t want to be a cheap talker… although I could get an award for my words of wisdom to people…

Where???

I caught myself so often in the question that no one could ever answer since the answer to my question is in me… and it feels like it’s nowhere to be found…

Forbidden Love

Something forbidden that you cannot touch at all. But can you feel it?
His smile is so beautiful that sometimes I just want to go and hug him just like that. His arms seem so strong that sometimes you can just feel them wrap you around and warm yourself all day.
But for some strong reasons, you just cannot be with him at all. The gap between you two are too damn wide. Even wider than you think it is…
What would you do then? When you know something isn’t meant for you, but you still want to have it?
Well, just say that he’s too damn perfect and nothing is so good that last eternally. Well again, nothing is eternal. It’s like… nothing. Perfect or not, sooner or later, it’ll be gone.. what to do then?

Commitment VS Priority

What is commitment?
What is priority?
For me, you have to put the commitment to your priority, a.k.a you have to commit to your priority. But, it doesn’t mean that you don’t have your commitment or something that isn’t your priority. In my opinion, that is only one thing that you can make as your priority, so you can erally focus on it. If you have more than one… how can you focus on it??? Think about it…
Although you don’t make something as your priority but it doesn’t mean that you don’t take it seriously as you commit to it too…
But what will you do if someone doubt your commitment?

Learnt My Lesson

I don’t really like it when people just talking behind my back. Not literally behind my back, but talking about me without saying it was they’re talking about.
I’ve made mistake, I know that, I don’t really have to hide it, at least to myself. Believe it or not, I think I’ve learned from my mistakes more than I used to. I still need people to tell me what did I do wrong, in case I didn’t realize it or if I think I didn’t do anything wrong. It’s totally okay, as long as they tell me with a little sense of respect. I need people to appreciate what I did, just respect my attempt and effort. At least I’ve tried my best. That’s why I hate it when people criticize me with no respect at all.
I put my all when I did this occasion, even my heart and soul, seem like my every little thing. All went great just fine, at least, cuz no one told me anything, and I felt I did nothing fatally wrong. Until the next day someone just talked about the mistakes they say I made. She knew that it was me because she watched the show, she talked about it in front of me and I can feel her resentment on me. At first I didn’t know that it was me she talked about, until my friend told me about the mistake I’ve made. I thank her for that but I hate the woman that talked about it behind my back.I was totally broken down at that time, I was almost crying, but luckily I can go all the way throughout that day. Not as good as the day before, far from good, because I got no soul in it. But, hey, it’s over… I learned my lesson and didn’t do it again. No same mistakes, but I was too down to do better. So… another lesson to be learned…

I Love The Way You Love Me - Eric Martin

That freaking song is constantly reminded me of someone that I loved (or love? I don’t know…) before. Someone who loved me more than I can ever imagine… I imagine doing the things that are mentioned in the song with him. It definitely will be romantic, since I believe that he is a romantic person as well… Silly??? I won’t take it that way… because, what I felt (I feel) was (is) true… Do I still love this person? Ehm… I guess so. But, I don’t think he does… So, I guess just have to wipe the dust… Do I still save my heart for him?

Simple Love

“I want love to be simple. I want to trust without thinking. I want to be generous with my affection and patience and love unconditionally. It is easier to love a person with their flaws than to weed through them. I want to love the whole person, not parts; and this is how I want to be loved. –JEWEL-“
When will love get as simple as you hope it’d be? Has love ever been that simple? Can you really trust without thinking? When will I experience that simple kind of love? For every time I trust someone without thinking, I always ended up as the hurt ones. Trust some many people and ended up getting hurt, betrayed… I had enough of that. Enough is enough…
But I still want to trust someone without thinking… I want to be generous with my affection and patience and love unconditionally, to love a person easier by loving the person with their flaws than to weed through them. I want to love the whole person, not parts… and yes, this is how I want to be loved…I know someone that I can love without thinking, someone that I can give my affection and patience generously, someone that I can love unconditionally. I love him with his flaws… I love him as a whole person, not parts… When will he love me this way?

Untitled

Climbing each stair of a lifetime seduction
is a long far walk for your love that I’ve abandoned
a very beautiful love that is too good to be true
a very wonderful love that is too easy to turn blue
What is love to be called love, anyway?
when you don’t even know what love means
As love is a remarkable abstract property
that we claim we needed to continue our lives
through eternity

What's Inside A Broken Heart

What’s inside a broken heart for sure? Regret? Sadness? Anger? Devastation? Hope??? Why do our hearts break, anyway? Lots of answers for that, but, do we ever find the right perfect answers? Find the perfect answers while there is nothing in the world that is perfect. What a life to have?! What a broken heart to mend.
Have my heart been broken? For all I can remember is broken every man’s heart who was (or is???) willing to give their whole life to me. What kind a fool I am? The unthankful person. But how can you take someone’s heart when you know you won’t give him something in return and eventually break the heart? Some might say, at least give some respect! I did, I always do give them some respect, in my kind of ways. If they wanted me to give respect their way by taking their hearts and break it later, well, I’d rather not…
Maybe I am mean, careless, ignorant, or whatever conclude that I’m a freaking crazy bitch, but… I don’t care. For that is me, and my thought, they can tell me if they don’ t like it, but never expect any changes soon or ever. I’ll change if I want to… if I think it is the best. I live my life for me… and I realize that I cannot please everybody at the same time…

I Wonder

I wonder… how hard it is to open your heart for someone new? I keep telling myself that how can you love someone when you still in love when someone else? But, is it really love that you feel for that someone else? Or is it just curiosity to make him my man, with all those sweet words of wisdom that he’s been given me? Never met him, but he’s got my heart, and a promise, though, a say, I might say that way, if he turned 30 with no one beside him, then, it’ll be me… I’m willing to wait for that, though, since for me, he’s the perfect man, with all the flaws he has, that I’m looking for… Is he?

The More I think Of It...

The more I am in doubts of what I'm doing rite now... Of what I'm feeling... Just about everything... Should I live without thinking at all, then??? But how???

How Can You Be Sure???

I never really understand about what I'm feeling inside, or am I just afraid? I want to be sure, but I don't know if I can be sure like that, like what people want me to be sure of what I am feeling inside. I always believe that there is such thing like uncertainty in life... Everything can happen... Good things come to an end...

How can you be sure??? Teach me how... I really want to be sure at something... Something that I trully believe in is that uncertainty... That everything can happen... Even in love... I want to be sure that I can love one person, but in the end... Who knows what tomorrow may bring? Nobody knows... I'm scared... I am afraid... Afraid of love's embrace... Love embraces me in a way that I always wanted, but I'm scared... Scared that this love might come to an end at the end... someday...

So, if you love me, and you read my thoughts, please... assure me... reassure me. Don't get tired of it, and don't change me, please... Cuz this is me, this is the way I am... Love me whole, not partly, please...

Damn Loneliness...

But I'm in love now... :)

A Divine Gentleman

Okay... I met this lovely fine gentleman. I don't actually know him, but I've been noticing him since I first saw him... Where? At the church... I know, you're not suppose to go to church to find guys or anything in particular other than to pray and such, but hey... i can't help it, I have eyes... Lord will understand. Haha...
Now back to this gentleman. First... he's married, since he always comes to the mass with his wife and daughter... and now, he's got another child, I think the baby is a baby boy. His children are adorable... They really do. His daughter is beautiful and course the baby is cute. Gosh... And he seems to love em very much!!!
By the way... Then I come to think why do I fall easily to the kind of gentlemen like he is? I always fall easily to men who have kids already, especially when they got really close with the children. Oh my God... =D I even thikn and imagine that I'm actually their mother or their wife... It's like... I want one of those. Haha... Yeah... I really want one of those. A divine gentleman, to spend all of my life ahead with him...

Gosh, I Miss Him...

You don't know what love is till you lose it, you don't know what you got till it slips away. Gosh!!! It's so true... I miss someone today. But all of the sudden, it brings the memory of someone, not this someone that I miss so much today, but the other one, the other someone. Someone who once loved me more than he could ever imagine, but ended up walked away... I realise that I keep blaming myself for this. Well, I maybe I am to blame, but... I don't know... I never hate him afterwards, we kept in touch for awhile, and now... none... He never return any of my calls or texts. He never careless if I want to help in again, no strings attached, just none... nothing... Makes me sad, though... Do I miss him??? Do I still love him??? Good question, hun... Just leave it unanswered!!! By the way... that TLC's song goes to him... forever!

I Miss You So Much - TLC

I never asked for this feeling, I never thought I would fall, I never knew how I felt till the day you were gone I was lost. I never asked for red roses, I wasn't looking for love, some how I let my emotions take hold. And guess what? All at once I'm in love. I miss you so much, I long for your love. It scares me 'Cuz my heart gets so weak That I can't even breathe. How can you take things so easily? Baby, why aren't you missing me? Why did I act like you mattered? It was silly of me to believe That if I just opened my heart Things would come naturally Joke's on me...yeah. I did not ask for love letters, So why did you give them to me? How could I let your intentions get over on me? So in love, So naive. I miss you so much, I long for your love. It scares me 'Cuz my heart gets so weak That I can't even breathe How can you take things so easily? Baby, why aren't you missing me? And oh How I hate what you have done, Made me fall so deep in love. God knows You're the only one I want That I love. I miss you so much, I long for your love. It scares me 'Cuz my heart gets so weak That I can't even breathe. How can you take things so easily? Baby, why aren't you missing me? Baby, why aren't you missing me? Baby, why aren't you Miss... Missing me?