FoR OnCe

For once

there's no doubt

hanging around in my mind

For once

the whole burden that I'm scared about

is no longer there

For once

I feel like i'm doing the right thing in my life

For once

finally I can put a very wide smile

Angry with the Anger

Sitting here
Quiet
and mind wandering...
What am I doing here?
Just sitting
Quiet
and mind wandering...
What to do
with the anger
that slips through my finger
through my skin
through my mind...

"Aku benci dirimu"

Those are your very last words to me. Maybe you can say whatever you want to say. I deserve it. I deserve all your anger towards myself. I even hate myself for this.
Damn... I miss you, you know. But, sorry... it really has to end.

A night at a time...

Another day came by without you

I guess I'll be okay

Sorry for all the things I've done to you

I really didn't mean to hurt you

It wasn't because of you

It definitely has nothing to do with you

It's just me who doesn't feel the way you feel

It was just me who felt too scared to face anything

To step forward...

To be honest, even to myself

Sorry...

I'm sure you'll be okay...

Goodbye...

Have I Made the Right Decision?

When everybody still loved up after the valentine's day, here I am thinking if I made the right decision already by saying goodbye to him...
Many things have happened to us, the good, the bad, the in betweens, one thing led to another. So many reasons and explainations but yet s...
I still have doubts although at the same time I strongly believe that this is the best for both of us... plus, I still have butterflies flying around in my stomach...
Is it the way you feel when you make a right decision? Or it's the wrong one?
Oh dear Lord... please help me make it through each night...

The RAin Just Pour...

I know you've seen the rain before, but there was something different about this one... Money Rain??? Nope, I mean, it's just the rain, water kinda rain, but, it came so suddenly. Just like that and it was straightly a heavy rain...
Gosh, ehm, I don't actually know what I'm talking about...
Sorry...
Peace y'all...
PS. Rihanna's Umbrella should be more popular by now... :)

Why Can't I?

Gosh... I'm hating myself right now... Why can't I just kill that f***ing b***h? She's really getting annoying each and everyday... Gosh... I can't stop cursing myself right now. I never thought that kind of girl is actually exist... A girl who puts money and everything above it all...

Gosh!!!

I am sick!!!

Maybe, I wish...

I wish everything could go as simple as that, just like a snap of your fingers and everything could go your way, but unfortunately... the answer just has to be 'no'. Although it doesn't mean that there's no way at all, but still... sometimes it just harder than it seems...

But why? Why couldn't it be the way that I want?

I keep asking why, why , why and why to myself. I'm great in giving people answers, but I can't give any answer to my own question... So sad...

I wish i could be a more open person than I am today. Well, in fact, I don't think I'm that open anyway, maybe not even to myself. Sometimes I find it hard to understand the way I feel inside, or maybe just scared to look deep into my heart... to finally realize that it is what it is... and when I do... all just too little too late... or so I thought...

Easy... Hard... Definitely hard...

I am one of those girls who can easily fall in love... But at the same moment, I am one of those girls who's hard to be in love and love someone as a whole... But after I do in love with them... I am one of those girls who's definitely hard to forget the one that I once love... What kind of girl am I? It it a crime? Is it right to call myself a woman now? Why do I even ask that question???Foolish!!! Proud to be one, I guess... :(

Why Does It Have To Be This Way???

Love and to love is more complicated than I thought it would be... Something has always get in the way... There's always something wrong in it. I know that I'm not supposed to expect for something perfect or whatsoever you wanna call it, but still... I wish there's a less difficult way to love and to be loved... I wish... only wishes... I always say that I want to love someone in a whole, not parts. But when I think I could love him as a whole, not parts (since he's waaaaaay beyond the man of my dream), there's just something in between... Something that I'm sure cannot be fix, at least cannot be fix with my way... or this soon...And when I'm ready to love someone as a whole, when I'm ready to love him back... the chance to love just slipped through my bloody frickin vein or whatever... Oh... life... love... leaf... as in a clover... now I don't want to be left alone.

Hello... hello... :)

Finally...
I managed to create a real blog here... a bit late (maybe more), but hey... better late than never, rite...
Anyway... Ehm... Just want to say hi to everyone here and...
by the way... again... you can request me for some songs, since I downloaded some songs here as well... so...
I'll wait...
Catcha later...

MaYbE I ShOuLd...

Maybe I should say nothing at all since I always seem to say wrong things to anybody. Maybe I should just be a careless person, the one who cares for nothing, including herself nor the people she loves. Maybe I should just nod all the way or being the number one of the most ignorant person of all. Maybe I should be all of the above if those were the things that can make the people, that I love, happy...

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Merry F***ing Christmas...

Why does it have to be me?Everytime...In the middle of family quarell,I have to step up and put my very f***ing best grin.I mean,I'm glad to do it,but getting tired of it...Tiring if it didnt get better,at all.Why do they don't even want to try,a bit...just a tiny little bit.Everything goes wrong in every one's eyes now.Everybody hates each other deep inside.Now,this is what you call Merry F***ing Christmas...

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New Year...

Another year almost over and hee I am... Keep wondering what do I really want in life...

It's hard to live your life day by day when everybody ask you to have plans for your future. Gosh!

Now, what do I want for next year?

A better life of mine, which I actually want day by day... and... I want a man... to walk his life with me... a man that I can fully love, not parts... a man that can make me love him more and myself... a man that can make me a better person... a man that can bring the best out of me...

Christmas Is Coming...

Again...

Can't believe how fast time actually goes by... Another christmas, another new year to come... But let's talk about christmas first...

I always think that christmas is actually a family kind of time, I mean all family gather around together, despite all the hatred that they have for eachother. Will that happen again this year? Ehm, I don't actually know...

I'm about to spend time with my family this christmas, but only my Dad, Mom and sister, not the whole family of my mom's or dad's (my favorite will be my Mom's =D). Hope it's great to spend time with them, to get closer as a family, as a whole...

Ehm, to be honest, I'm not in the mood to meet other family this year. I mean, it's like too much hatred happens this year, and, I don't want thgose to ruin my christmas day, at all... I just want a peace christmas with my Dad, Mom, and sister... and probably with one of my cousin and her family, including my nephew. but that's all. i don't want others who hate eachother to come... Is that a crime... Well, if it is, I don't mind doing it. I don't care if you call me a bad person or whatsoever...

I know that christmas is actually time to forgive more in order to receive a truly peace in your heart thingy, but... to be honest, I'm getting tired being a nice person in my family, being the one who don't take side whenever there is a clash or any bold argument. I've pobably been stabbed hundreds of time now... Everybody ask me to come forward to cover their f***ing a**, what about me? Why don't they just face those f***ing a*****e by themselves?

Sorry... but I demand peace on my christmas day... :D

Merry christmas everybody... =D

JuDgEmEnT DaY

Life is not about judge or being judge.Why do people always care about judging people.Are they already perfect themselves so they are given the priviledge to judge others?Eventhough they dont know them well?Is that fair?Call me resentful or whatever you like,but this is me.I might not be proud of me yet,but I feel comfy about me.I'd like to stay this way.For now...or forever...

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AnOTheR FrEaKinG ThiNG...

Okay...it's obvious,he's out of reach.At least for now.. But still...Well,you know what???I dont know!!!

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#1 CriMiNaL

How hard it is to accept someone the way they are.Why do I find it hard at times...There's sometimes something that comes from that person that bothes me but I found it hard to tell that person.Is that a crime?When it happens,what I need is some time off,although sometimes more.Is that a crime.Gosh,I think it already makes me a number one criminal...

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WoNdEr...JusT WonDeR...

It's lovely when everybody likes you.Although in fact,it's absolutely impossible to have everybody to love you as in fact you cannot please everybody at the same time.I'm actually happy today since I made all of my friends,who heard my jokes,laugh their a** off.While at times I fear that they might not like me anymore.Well,I've been dumped by some of ex friends for no reason at all.Thats why I'm scared at times...

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