As I sit here thinking about what have I done, I kind of feel stupid. Too stupid for making so many mistakes that I could’ve avoided beforehand. But, if you ask whether I have any regret, or do I feel sad, I’m pretty sure I’m going to say ‘no.’ I’m sure feel disappointed and I do feel angry, but this matter worth no tears coming out from my eyes.
All I do is keeping my promise not to walk out, not to walk away. I will not break my own promise to anyone. I make promises I can keep. I have put my heart on my sleeve, all my effort, and every little bit of my happiness and sadness to keep the promise just to find out that it’s impossible to do it alone. Now all I see is myself saying, “At least, it’s not who’s walking away.”
I’ll stay here, as tired as I can be, but I’ll survive, I’ll get by, somehow, in time.
Don't worry about me. I'll be fine. It's you the one whom you have to worry. You're hurting yourself by hurting me. Stop doing this or you're going to hurt yourself even more. And again, I'll be here, just like before. Aware and ready to heal youJ
Hello there… I’m freaking exist here. Not just some piece of old effin junk. Would you mind to take at least a second to think about what you will say? Please take time to consider if your words might hurt someone or not, especially when that someone is right around you. Would you?
For goodness’ sake, I’m as exist as everybody else. I am strong but I do have feelings too. I can feel and I will.
As I said before, the world is not revolved around only you, bee!!!
Living in this life is simply not only to judge or to be judged. There so many obvious beautiful reasons to live this life.
Judging someone is an easy thing to do. I could judge people in any way I want to. The hardest part is to find out how to judge them fairly.
Next comes the questions, “Does fair judgment really exist?” “What does fair really stand for since everyone has quite different definition about fairness?” “Do people really in need to judge?” “Do you think you like to be judged?”
Maybe judging is a natural thing that humans do.
If so, go ahead and judge me because I will judge you as well. I won’t mind. Just like I don’t mind you breathing in every step of your life.
To be honest, at some pints, I know that this thing is not going to work that easy, or maybe it’s not going to work at all. But hey, I do it anyway. Just like Kelly Clarkson’s song, “It’s a long shot, but I say, “Why not?”. If I said forget it, I know that I’ll regret it…”
Here I am, being fearless, being absolutely terrified but jump into it anyway. I realize what the consequences might be and all the bad and hurtful feelings that might come my way. Some of them are here already. I brace myself to face each of them with all my heart. This is my decision, I have to be ready for the risks, no matter what it is.
All the sweet things came first, all the sweet promises. And then, here I am at the next stage, where everything is not about those sweet things anymore. Negligence, insecurity and disappointment are also part of it. But, I’m hanging in there. You can say that I enjoy every step of the way that I’m taking right now.
Knowing that someone needs you is an amazing feeling. Knowing that they care for you without saying is heartwarming. Able to be there for them although they are miles away is irreplaceable. And I love every single bit of it.
There comes a time when reality strikes. When it’s hurt and I don’t know where to stand right now. Yes, I do feel sad and disappointed at that time, but surprisingly, I know I’ll get by, and I did, I still feel fine.
I played with fire, I enjoyed it, I got burned, I am blessed.
Here you come again Just when I begun to get myself together You waltz right in the door Just like you done before And wrap my heart round your little finger
Here you come again Just when I'm about to make it work without you You look into my eyes And lie those pretty lies And pretty soon Im wonderin How I came to doubt you
All you gotta do Is smile that smile And there go all my defenses Just leave it up to you And in a little while You're messin' up my mind An fillin' up my senses
Here you come again Lookin' better than a body Has a right to And shakin' me up so That all I really know Is here you come again And here I go
All you gotta do Is smile that smile And there go all my defenses Just leave it up to you And in a little while Youre messin' up my mind An fillin' up my senses
Here you come again Lookin better than a body Has a right to An shakin me up so That all I really know Is here you come again And here I go
Here I go And here I go And here I go Here you come again And here I go Here I go And here I go
Say you're sorry That face of an angel Comes out just when you need it to As I paced back and forth all this time Cause I honestly believed in you Holding on The days drag on Stupid girl, I should have known, I should have known
I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet, Lead her up the stairwell This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town, I was a dreamer before you went and let me down Now it's too late for you And your white horse, to come around
Baby I was naive, Got lost in your eyes And never really had a chance My mistake, I didn't wanna be in love You had to fight to have the upper hand I had so many dreams About you and me Happy endings Now I know
I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet, Lead her up the stairwell This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town, I was a dreamer before you went and let me down Now it's too late for you And your white horse, to come around
And there you are on your knees, Begging for forgiveness, begging for me Just like I always wanted but I'm sooo sorry
Cause I'm not your princess, this ain't a fairytale I'm gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well This is a big world, that was a small town There in my rearview mirror disappearing now And its too late for you and your white horse Now its too late for you and your white horse, to catch me now
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa Try and catch me now Oh, it's too late To catch me now
I was talking to my friend about how I want to erase some people in my life. It's rude, I know. It's mean, hell, yes, I know. But, sometimes it's kind of hard to keep them in my life. It's hard when you have to deal with things that you actually avoid to remember or reliving, things that you are trying so hard to forget. Yet, you could not erase them that easy since they all related to your other friend. One after another. So, what should I do? Avoiding alone is not enough...
You better take it from me That boy is like a disease You're running You're trying You're trying to hide And you're wondering why you can't get free
He's like a curse He's like a drug You get addicted to his love You wanna get out But he's holding you down 'Cause you can't live without one more touch
He's a good time cowboy casanova Leaning up against the record machine Looks like a cool drink of water But he's candy coated misery
He's the devil in disguise A snake with blue eyes And he only comes out at night Gives you feelings that you don't want to fight You better run for your life
I see that look on your face You ain't hearing what I say So I'll say it again 'Cause a know where you been And I know how it ends You can't get away
Don't even look in his eyes He'll tell you nothin' but lies And you wanna believe But you won't be deceived If you listen to me And take my advice
He's a good time cowboy casanova Leaning up against the record machine Looks like a cool drink of water But he's candy coated misery
He's the devil in disguise A snake with blue eyes And he only comes out at night Gives you feelings that you don't want to fight You better run for your life Run, run away Don't let him mess with your mind He'll tell you anything you want to hear He'll break your heart It's just a matter of time But just remember
He's a good time cowboy casanova Leaning up against the record machine Looks like a cool drink of water But he's candy coated misery
He's the devil in disguise A snake with blue eyes And he only comes out at night Gives you feelings that you don't want to fight You better run for your life
Oh you better run for your life Oh you better run for your life
Yeah You cast a spell over me I don't know where to turn to any more I see your face Every morning when I wake up Every night when I go to bed
You're here with me some how I don't know how I can feel you here right now So close So real
Do do-do do-do Show me your colours
Show me Show me your colours Show me Don't break this spell I mean Please don't break my heart
Show me Show me your colours Baby Tell me who you really are
I know you want what I want Far away But still within our reach Do you dare Are you brave enough to show me What your heart really wants to? (heart really wants to)
I say your name to my self out loud When I have you all around Like a cover for the cold and the outside Making love out in the candle lights
Do do-do do-do
Show me Show me your colours Show me Don't break this spell I mean Please don't break my heart
Show me Show me your colours Baby Tell me who you really are
Baby Don't tell me I mean nothing After all you did (After all you did)
Baby, don't you tell me Tell me I mean nothing Tell me I mean nothing to you Please show me now
Show me Show me your colours Show me Don't break this spell I mean Please don't break my heart
Show me Show me your colours Baby Tell me who you really are
Show me Show me your colours Show me Don't break this spell I mean Please don't break my heart
Show me Show me your colours Baby Tell me who you really are
I'm not allowed to adore you The way you know I really want But I do Even though it's been a nightmare To pretend that it's all okay It's not the easiest thing to avoid Damage is already done I'm in love with you
Most people seek for the truth, although it will come out as something hurtful. But me, unlike most people, I prefer not knowing the truth when I believe that I will get hurt. Is that a stupid thing to do? Well, it might. Sometimes, I think that I should know the truth, whatever it is, in order to move on. But, let’s say that I’m not that strong and I’m not ashamed to admit it. Most of time, I’m scared to know the truth. Afraid that it will hurt me at some point and I’d be unable to heal myself. So… At times I prefer not to know the truth, although it’s surely killing to simply know the truth…
Anyway… One way or another, ready or not, I will eventually find the truth… and all the consequences. Just be brave and believe that it will pass… as something good, bad or whatever in between… :)
I can’t deny it feels good and I hope it’s for real. If it doesn’t, it might do more damage than it should and longer time to heal. Make my day, make me smile, there’s no way that it’s not worthwhile.
How many people enjoy playing with ‘fire’? Well, whatever the number is, add me up! I’m playing with ‘fire’, I’m getting burned and I’m enjoying it right now.
So what if it hurts me? So what if I break down?
I realize what damage I will have, how long I will heal and every loss that I might get. But, guess what? I’m playing on. I don’t even try to stop myself to fall again, because it surely feels good for some reasons.
I’ve been burned so many times, I’ve been broken and there’s no way anyone could make it any worse. You can’t break a heart that’s already broken. You can’t knock me on my feet when I’m already on my knees!
I don’t say that I won’t feel hurt anymore, it’s just that, I’m getting used to the feeling although I’m tired of it. I’m tired of getting through this winding rocky path of roads…
Here we go again at the last day of 2009. As I sit here, by the window, accompanied by the sound of the rain outside, I would like to take time to look back. What have I done this year and who stood by my side along the way. I will take this moment, to thank all of them.
Let’s start by, none other than God, who surely there, through my ups and downs, without I have to tell them Him what’s going on. I’ve been very blessed this year. I know thank you is never enough. I give all my life to You and believe that you will always there giving me nothing but the best :)
To me Papito, Mamita, y hermanita, you are the only place I can turn to whenever I need to. Thank you for being there and for your continuous support in all those weird ways possible. Dede, skripsi harus selesai taun ini!!! Oke???
Vina, Iis, Dede Krisna, Wisnu, Neng Andien, Tante Emma, Om Ton thanks for the lovely week at the end of year 2009. ‘Twas a great year end so-called celebration.
Budhe, Mas Sony, Mba Lina, and the rest of my relatives… thank you for those blessed days of ours :)
De Icha… Awas kalo ngacak2 kamar lagi… ta’ bilangin!!!
De Diva… Tukang ojeknya tahan di rumah aja… Semoga di taun baru ini bias lebih tenang sedikit… mungkin bias diam barang satu menit, selain diwaktu tidur… :p
Merrie… miss you sooo much… xoxo
To all my little angels in High/Scope, thank you for sparking your wonderful smiles that always enlighten my days. Your pure kind-hearted ways to love is surely missed when you’re not around.
To all the parents, thank you for letting your children spreading their love around us :) All the best for the upcoming year.
To all the other parents (you know what I’m talking about)… another fun time won’t hurt… Miss the kids as well… :)
BANDIDAS!!! Gebai, Ule, Depi, Tissa, Rini, Sendai, thanks for standing by me through ups and lots of downs. Can’t wait for another performance of paradise… Indonesian Idol… here we come… :)
Monica’s Club!!! Eva, Dince, Reni… Ga mo komen aaah… Love you dearly, still :)
Jeny, Winny, Hasti, Moniq, Tri, Teh Ria, thank you for being there when I need to lend an ear, or many. Keep on going and fighting, for the kids’ sake. We rock!
Meiko… thank you for the wedding ceremony that brought along ex High/Scopers…
Dita, Kirana gue tetep kangen ma lu!!! Hahaha… Wish me luck!
Nuri, thank you for still being there although we’re not around each other anymore. Bilang Eyaz, bakso kudu tetep jalan!!! :p
Nancy, Dionne, Debora, Dewi, dll… Miss you gals!
Ci Ida, Hermana Tias… You’ve been the best poison I’ve ever had… Thanks for the continuous learning and support ya… xoxo PS. Cepat ato lambat gue bener2 harus liburan ke Bali, secara udah kebawa mimpi..!!!
Ms. Jossy… you’ve been an inspiration throughout the year… SEMANGAT!!! :)
Mas Adi… thank you for the positive energy by making me smile most of the time… yang artinya… silahkan diterjemahkan sendiri. Hehehe… :)
Mas Anang… Jangan lupa traktirannya, mas… Cepat ato lambat, akan aku tagih!
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!! Tunduh, ah! :p
Ikooo… Hayo… kebanyakan rahasia yaaa… Tunggu gue ya!!!
For the rest of you in High/Scope – Bandung, thank you for another rollercoaster year.
For the rest of High/Scopers, thank you for the applause that you’ve given throughout the Bandidas’ performance at the Anniversary. No more “more practice!” :p
Aliiiiiiiii… This year, we shall fight harder!!! :)
Mas Tejo… di mana, seh??? Wish you well :)
Mas Icus… All the best for your comics. Can’t really wait to see it posted.
Andi… Thank you for everything. Sure I regret things, but you gave me one of the greatest lessons in life :)
Brian ‘Lutfi’ Quagmire… Like I said before, miss you ‘hm’!!! I refuse to call you by your name now, Brian Quagmire sounds better.
Sarah, thanks for the presents you’ve been sending me…!!! Shout out to Robin and Jeff!!!
To, my beloved, Yocie, Ndha, n Bino… You guys really my bestest ladies. You make me smile now and again. You’re my rocks!!!
Ono, Asti Pade, Prita, Dora (tuh kan gue ga tulis Qebo), Onggeng, Wanda, and Milke, thank you for being constantly there for me, for each other. Can’t believe that our friendship has last this long. From one year to another.
To the rest of my High School and Junior High School friends, nice meeting you and hopefully FACEBOOK will keep us in contact one to another :) FACEBOOK ROCKS!!! *loh???*
To all the UCVers, mention you one by one will be a hard thing to do since the reunion!!! Thank you so much… More than words can say, more than words to sing. You’ve been a fantastic melody not just this year, but throughout my life.
Flo… Still cherish each meeting we had and all those jokes only you understand.
Aris, you’ve been my best friend since I don’t know when. Thank you for being there for American Idol *Loh???* and a whole lot more :)
Paul, listening to ‘Where The Dream Takes You’ always give me a boost up when I’m down. I always reckon you as my primary supporter. Thanks to you for everything. I might have different direction of what I want before, but I believe in it and I’m going there. I’m going to give it back, when I know I had all my goals in life :)
Inneke, Monyet (whoops!), Yuan, David… Love you, babes :) Miss you sooo much whenever you’re not around. Wait for me there!!! :p I’ll be there SOON!!!
Cisco, Satriya, Nia… Hugs and kisses and lots of love and miss-yous!!!
Ega, Anggie, Harry, Donny, Yuli and the rest of PSM-ers… Keep on singing!!! Thank you for all the melodic laughter of yours :)
Henny, Yuli, Nancy, and Linda, thank you and sorry for everything. The place will be so empty without you, walopun ga gitu ngefek juga, secara yang rebut gue… Hehehe.. :p
Sisca, Helen, Tiya, Heidi and the rest of my college friends… Miss you and hope FACEBOOK keep us together… FACEBOOK ROCKS!!! :p
Ekky… still can’t believe that I will not see you again someday, somewhere in this world. You’re in the better place now. Enjoy! :)
To all the rest, you’re definitely not least… Thank you for everything you’ve been given me throughout the year… God bless us all :)
Sometimes I’m thinking about the best way to get over you, the best way to move on. Often what comes across my mind is simply to erase you from all the things I do in life. But, apparently that way is never that easy. It’s definitely harder than I thought it would. Why? Well, because you seem to be there, everywhere I go. You stuck on my mind, no matter what you do, even when I feel you try to ignore me. And it hurts to just even think to erase you from my life…
Am I thinking to give it all to change the way the world goes round? Yes, I’ve been thinking of that. But, no, I don’t want to… I need to move on… and I am now, but it’s baby steps that I’m taking right now…
Dear Lord, Thank you so much for making another wish of mine came true. He found someone else and hopefully she’s better than me. I hope she can take a good care of a man who has an undeniably wonderful heart. A man that I care about... A man that I miss…
I missed the chance to say what I really feel just because I was too scared of what might happen. I missed the chance to cherish one of the most sincere gifts of life just because I was too afraid of what’s waiting ahead.
Here I am now, standing still on the place where I let him go to fly and explore the world in order to find his greatest treasure of life. Here I am looking from afar, trying not to let those regret slipping through my mind.
I should be happy because I got my wish, for him to go and be happy. I don’t want to turn childish by saying it should be me…
I never said I love him but I did say goodbye. Then came the days where I missed him but I never told, but what I could see is him walking by…
Thank you for letting him into my life, although it was only for a short while… J
