Conversation Between My Conscience and Myself

Myself (M): Damn! I think this shiz has got the best of me.

Conscience(C): Well, why do you think so?

M: Maybe because it seems like I'm not myself these days.

C: Nope, I think you are yourself everyday.

M: No, I'm not.

C: Hey, I'm your conscience. I know you better than anyone else, even yourself.

M: How so? I know myself better than anyone else and God knows best.

C: Yes, but I am your conscience. I am yourself and your mind. I am you, inside out.

M: Really? So? You must be thinking I’m not myself lately as well, right? That shiz really got the ebst of me.

C: Actually, on the contrary. I don’t think that way at all.

M: What? How come?

C: Because, that one that you see, the person you feel, the one that you feel that you’re trapped into is none other than yourself. It’s you.

M: Oh, no no no no no no no! It’s not! No way in hell that this is myself.

C: It is you, dear. It’s the other side of you that you kept so well hidden until you forgot that it’s even exist. You deny that side of yours because you choose not to know it. It’s you. It’s part of you.

M: It can’t be.

C: The more you deny it, the harder it is for you to move on in your life. You will eventually find yourself drown in sadness, grieve, regret and other negative feelings that’s created by you!

M: Me? I never create negative feelings. Who wants to anyway?

C: You're right, no one wants to. But, like it or not, realize it or not, it's you who creates every feeling you are feeling throughout your life. So, your feeling is up to you. It's your choice.

M: Really? Are you sure?

C: Yes, for sure. Befriend with every little part and side of you and you shall be fine. Got to know them and easier you'll get by.

M: Will it be easy to do it?

C: Yes, but it takes a long time to make it perfect, but you need not to worry, you're on your way.

Promises

Promises that framed with fresh flowers from the garden,
Blossom in every step of your way
To the land of expectation lighten by that brightest ray

Promises that goes with a sweet-sounded melody
Sang by the bird in lined on the canopy
Sway you into an island of make believe

Promises that blinded you with its beauty
Chained you with the prettiest smile
Devilish hidden well that no one even care to find out
Until it arises as uncontrollable anguish in whereabouts

Promises that bound you as a hopeful person
Words that grant you a shoulder to lean on
Disappear in time just like smoke that washes away by every tear you cry.

Bailing Me Off

It's relieving having someone that you trust, someone that you can count, someone that you can rely on, someone that always be there in times of need. But, when that someone is bailing on you, it's going to be something that is really, really, really disappointing.
You just have no idea what to do. Should you be sad because of the disappointment or just simply mad out of it. It's even worse when they lie for not bailing on you, while everything is obvious and lead you that way.
You no longer have someone that you trust, someone that you can count, someone that you can rely on, someone that always be there in times of need. Disappointing, isn't it?
Neither sad or mad are useful no more when everything has been done. There's no other way but moving forward for the way to retreat and moving back has been damaged by the severe betrayal from an angel.

In Him I Surrender

As I'm here on my knees

Praying my hardest

Hope it will change a bit of a thing

I'm prepared of the falling tears

I'm ready for another disappointment

I'm just waiting for any answer

And when it all happen

All at the same time

Here on my knees I wish

For Lord to bring my finest defense

To finally move on

Although I'm bruised and battered

For in Him I believe

In Him I surrender

My life

My all

I Refuse

I walked down this winding and bumpy road thousand of times

Stumbled into the same stone

Tripped over the same rock

Slipped into the same puddle of mud

All over again and again and more

So many choices of roads I could pick

All laid down in front of my bare eyes

But then again, this road I chose

Knowing every little part of things from the consequences

I know them very well and they know me better

I know how they will treat me

Nice at times and mean as often

They know how to pick me up and throw me down hard when I reach the top

I'm aware of it

But I refuse to turn around and walk on another path of life

Because, I still believe that this road will eventually leads me

To that pot of gold that I spent my lifetime searching

Afraid I may not

Since the light still shine me down

Even through the darkest path that no one might pass

Vanish at Every Softer Touch

Keep thinking about what should be done upon us

When every little road leads to you

But the road seems to have no end at all

It winds and it bends all over

Keep thinking about what to do with no fuss

When all is said and done points the way to you

But the way seems to be blurry with invisible wall

It appears and gone not a healer

Decisions were thought every step of the way

Afraid of one thing goes wrong will ruin all the offer

Never been too careful to meet the end

Of reaching out an everlasting happy ending

Not a happily ever after moments

Never been this careful, it hurts

Too scared to lose what's already in the palm of this fragile hand

Something that's ready to grasp but might slip away even sooner

A precious pearl to be seen that's ready to vanish at every softer touch

It's His Decision in the End

Heard the news in the middle of the day, about one of your loved ones, your best friend, laid in her deathbed, with only a very little hope, if you don't want to say no hope at all, was one of the most shocking news that can make your world stops in an instant. You stop while the world keeps on turning. Don't know really what to do but spreading the news to others and hope they send their prayers along with yours.
A friend who sings along together to any songs that you have ever heard. A friend who dares to admit that you're a friend when you did something crazy. A friend that stands by you throughout your day, wherever you are and in anything you do. A friend who always says that you did good in a thing that you're worst at. A friend who pats you on your back when you're down. A friend who wipes your tears and your frown.
Nothing to do and cannot do nothing. Both kind of annoying. Fingers crossed. Hope only for the best.
Leave it all to You, dear Lord. You're the one who knows what's best for each and everyone of us.

Loves The Crescent Moon On The Sky Tonight

If you really mean what you say of doing something good for me, then be it. But is that something good for me will always turn out to be hurting my feelings? If so, please, just stop. You don't actually need to do me any good. Just stop. Because at some point, I just can't handle it no more.

You said you care but you don't actually care at all about what I actually feel inside. I said it, but you always take it to the wrong direction and got me misunderstood. You just don't want to spare a little tiny time to think about what I said, about my feelings. Blinded by the rage that you got of someone else and you take it all out on me. You don't want to ever bother to give a time to hear my explanation. Not a bit.

I'm not that stupid little girl no more that can be bought by sweet words or any manipulative steps you're making. I have feeling that grows stronger and thoughts that become smarter. I think and I feel. I hurt and I heal. As time goes by, it will mend all the scar, but never know if they will recover when you keep on rip it open and leave it bleeds.

Oh, forget it, you never know that I have it anyway.

Please keep an eye open when you're too angry and can't seem to see anything clearly in order for you to give your best shot to the right target, not miss it for another and end up hurting innocent people. :)

10/10/10 - My Version

Okay, so here are some of the weird things that happen today. Why I said weird? Because apparently most people were acting weird today.

Some of them were turning mad, drown by their not so reasonable reasons. Possessed by inner evils that has been kept so well hidden. Burst into an inevitable rage that's unstoppable. Hurt some innocent people for just giving a small comment but got mistaken by the intensively wrong moment. Cannot do nothing right. Everything is just wrong. All wrong. And it goes on and on and on and on. Don't really know when it ends.

Some were just rambling for something that they thought they know they feel when they know nothing at all. Trying to find each hidden meaning of their lives, find any hidden ways that should been taken, but never found. Not a single clue and leave them in a confusing area and they got nowhere to go. They let themselves float around the questions that have been hanging around on their minds. Unanswered. They eventually will let themselves drown in an unnecessary emotion.

Well, and some just go on like any other day. With smile on their faces, tears running down their eyes and traffic cursing flowing through their mouths.

Etiket 10/10/10 - Ali Wardhana

Segala keresahan bersemayam untk apa????

Kesiaan tanpa bentuk

Menjalar keseluruh syaraf

Seperti racun yang membawa jiwa

Tenggelam dalam laut hitam pekat

Dan membuatku tak bisa bernafas???

Dan kau ...

Tak akan pernah mengerti

Karena ceritaku adalah cerita yg tercerna

Hanya untuk orang yang berada di balik bayang-bayang

Keresahan kawan dr seribu malam;

Kau kembali hadir tanpa bisa ditawar

Responsibility

Area Unknown

I sense your doubt

I sense your worry

“I don’t know” seems to be coming handy

To get out from the trap

That’s been set from one mishap

You say those so-called magic words

And gone away the curiosity

Ghastly got into the curb

And back for some insanity

“I don’t know” seems to be the only answer

But that’s not what I seek to be better

I want some precision

Not just something from the area unknown

To My Little Ones

I’ll send you one brightest star

Please have and put it above and not too far

For it will shine you through each way

From darkness to the light you will sway

I’ll send you one greatest smile

Please cherish and put it in your heart

For it will brighten you up when you’re down

Think of me once will turn your frown

One day,

I hope you’ll be your own star

Stretch the distance and reach as far

Light your own way through each path of smaller bar

With your own self made treasure

Constant Regret

Everytime you come back and step into my life

You’re ripping my heart

Burn it until it takes time to heal

I guess I can’t really quite over you just yet

Someone that I thought too precious to hold my love

Someone that’s been nothing but a patient angel

That lights each way of my life

I still regret the day that I walked by on you

I still hate myself for not cherishing your unconditional love

One Once Said Pt. 5 - SweetestSin_ox edition

"The saddest thing is to look in someone's eyes & realize they'll never love you the way they did."

"Do you know the most surprising thing about heartache? It does not kill you. Like a bullet to the heart or a head on car wreck, it should. When someone you've promised to cherish forever says "I never loved you," it should kill you instantly. You should not have to sit there day after day after that just wondering how in the world that you didn't figure it out sooner than this."

"Sometimes you’ll find yourself smiling while missing someone at the same time. And if you really need him, fate won't let you lose him. Fate will bring him back. It may not be soon, but he'll come back."

Source: http://sweetestsin-ox.xanga.com/692569910/cause-every-second-that-goes-by-i-feel-is-just-a-waste-of-time-if-im-not-with-you/

Time Looking

Pain

Blossoming Smile

You make me melt

Everytime you look at me with that look

Your smile shines through your eyes

And it makes me shiver

Your laughter blossoms through your smile

And makes me wonder

How do you do that all at the same time?

Thrills me mad

Can’t really hold my ground when you are around

Can’t keep my eyes off of you

I surrender

In your arms I shall belong

Naluri

Ketika hati diketuk

Insan berlari

Jauh

Sehingga tak tahu kemana pergi

Insan tak peduli

Tak berpikir dengan nurani

Hanya naluri

Yang tertanam di sini

Mata tertutup

Dan enggan berjalan lurus

Tak terlihat lagi harapan

Tak ada lagi asa

Semua hilang terkikis hujan

Lenyap terbawa hembusan angin

Tenggelam ke dalam samudra terdalam nan gelap

Dan tiada kehidupan

Lekang waktu terhenti

Langkah kaki terhimpit

Goresan luka terpatri

Batas sandar terlewati

I Stand Alone

I have expectations

I have hopes

Please don’t lift them higher

To eventually make me hurt

Let me live them in my own way

Because I’m the one who knows where it exactly lays

Here in my heart it floats away

Until one by one in my grasp stay

You don’t exactly have to support me

When you don’t know how to

Leave me alone and don’t stand by me

Because I don’t want you to

You only brought tears

And fake expectations

Carry and spin me in the wheels

While I’m counting hopes

Go away and don’t stop me

I’m ready to soar, no need to worry

I’ll fly higher than you thought I’d be

To the sky with no limits where you won’t find me