Everyone sees me in some ways As they wanted to see me
Some see my fun side
Some see my stubborn side
Some see my crazy side
Some see my poor side
They can see me as whoever they want me to be
They can treat me any way they want it to be
But…
They cannot change me…
No matter how hard they try
I’ll stay the same
Until I realize and say that I need one…
Now you will say that I am selfish…
And you are very welcome to do so J
The signs probably have been there for awhile now,
I am easy
Sure it’s moving extremely slow
But it will be there
Sure there will be so many obstacles on the way
But it will be there
Why?
Because it has the shell that will protect it all the way
The birds whistle their sweetest song
The light of the sun gently embraces my skin
All completed with the simple loving smile from your lips
There was this guy on my grandmother’s funeral, he’s not cute, he’s not that tall, or not tall at all. Shortly, he wasn’t really the man of my dream or anything. He’s just a man. A man, who, unpredictably, stole my attention or stole my heart to be precise. Well, I don’t know and I’m not sure, but I can’t stop thinking about him.
Think about him and me building a happy family. He as my husband and all that which can fulfill my thoughts of a family, I wrote earlier. Isn’t that crazy? I’m smitten.
I really hope to see him again, someday, soon. If it’s meant to be then I’m willing to wait for it to happen.
Oh, by the way, is the way you feel when you find “the one” as in when you know, you know?
Friday, May 2nd, 2008 – Dedicated to Life Dear life,
Should it be this hard to accept someone for the way they are?
Should it be this hard to start something new, something better?
Should it be this hard to smile when you’re in a great big anger?
Should it be this hard to say whatever the way it is without hurting anyone?
Should it be this hard to move on and forget the damage that has done?
Should it be this hard to reach perfection?
Should it be this hard to love and to be loved?
If I have to pick between you, you or you, I don’t know which one to choose. I never met the two of you, but you both have turned my life away the way that you two might not know.
And you, we spent some days together. My wall was still at its highest and strongest, blocked you away. You’re just too perfect for me, you definitely deserve someone better. I wasn’t as grown up as I thought I was. What about now? Still, I don’t know. I need someone, yes, I am, but not desperate. Sometimes I think that I might want you back in my life, but… I don’t know if it was the best way or not and my heart keeps saying it’s not. You’d better off without me I know…
And you… the one that I used to think a brother of mine. I look up to you, up till now, I listen to you, to anything and everything you said. I might even do it when you ask me to do bad things, which I believe you won’t. you were there when I needed you the most. You listened, you calmed me down… You eased my mind and brought the best of me like no one else could do before. I wonder would you still be there, be here for me tomorrow when there you were.
You… we started with me who wasn’t myself, stupid me who was hiding behind that stupid mask. I was hiding all my beauty behind the mask of clay.
Would we be together if I weren’t wearing that mask? I believe we wouldn’t even know each other if I didn’t.
So, call me stupidly selfish, but I don’t regret a thing I did, although I’m not proud it. I’m glad I know you, I’m glad I got the best lesson of honesty, I’m glad I learned although in a furious hard way, I’m glad I could come out and throw that mask away at last which was the bravest thing I’ve done, I’m gladly relieve seeing us standing here, apart, in peace. After I hurt you, after I broke your heart, this is better than I expected, although, honestly I still hope for more…
I know I am blessed.
I still recall what happened last Friday. He text me and asked for my picture. It sure was to update his phonebook, but, I don’t know, I’m just glad he did ask mine. At least, he thought of me once in awhile, although it was a random phonebook, and that’s enough for me, that came from someone out of reach for me.
And deep down, I still want him, and I think I still have at least a little pure love for him that’s ready to be grown as an eternal flower of love.
His image and personality, as far as I know, is completing the image and personality of the man in my dream.
Now, is he too perfect? Do I still believe in my dream? Well, I might and I might not, but I do believe that everything happens for the best reason.
I wish I knew what will happen…
I want to have someone who’s got the same religion/belief as mine. So, I can be married to him, have children and go to church together after we have a simple sweet ceremony in church that I always go (if I was in Jakarta) since (maybe) I was born. My (or his) favorite priest will bless us. Our best dearest friends will be there, of course our family too.
I’ll cry, and maybe he’ll do too. We’re gonna sing, if he knows the songs, the songs that the choir will sing (PS. The choir should be those who we’ve known). We’re gonna have our first dance bare feet in a garden with our favorite song(s).
He’ll take care of me while I’m pregnant and our children after they born…
Our children will be active in church, being a servant during services, just the way I’ve never been.
We’ll teach our children about something that we did wrong in the past so they won’t make the same mistakes again. But when they do, we will not say “we told you,” but “be proud of your mistakes, mean that you just got some great life lesson, learn and live it. It’s fun!” and give them the greatest loving hugs and kisses everyday.
We’ll live happily together and we’ll take imperfect happily ever after as our greatest achievement for our love, together. Till death do us apart…
Will he be you?
For once
there's no doubt
hanging around in my mind
For once
the whole burden that I'm scared about
is no longer there
For once
I feel like i'm doing the right thing in my life
For once
finally I can put a very wide smile
Another day came by without you
I guess I'll be okay
Sorry for all the things I've done to you
I really didn't mean to hurt you
It wasn't because of you
It definitely has nothing to do with you
It's just me who doesn't feel the way you feel
It was just me who felt too scared to face anything
To step forward...
To be honest, even to myself
Sorry...
I'm sure you'll be okay...
Goodbye...
Gosh... I'm hating myself right now... Why can't I just kill that f***ing b***h? She's really getting annoying each and everyday... Gosh... I can't stop cursing myself right now. I never thought that kind of girl is actually exist... A girl who puts money and everything above it all... I wish everything could go as simple as that, just like a snap of your fingers and everything could go your way, but unfortunately... the answer just has to be 'no'. Although it doesn't mean that there's no way at all, but still... sometimes it just harder than it seems...
But why? Why couldn't it be the way that I want?
I keep asking why, why , why and why to myself. I'm great in giving people answers, but I can't give any answer to my own question... So sad...
I wish i could be a more open person than I am today. Well, in fact, I don't think I'm that open anyway, maybe not even to myself. Sometimes I find it hard to understand the way I feel inside, or maybe just scared to look deep into my heart... to finally realize that it is what it is... and when I do... all just too little too late... or so I thought...
I am one of those girls who can easily fall in love... But at the same moment, I am one of those girls who's hard to be in love and love someone as a whole... But after I do in love with them... I am one of those girls who's definitely hard to forget the one that I once love... What kind of girl am I? It it a crime? Is it right to call myself a woman now? Why do I even ask that question???Foolish!!! Proud to be one, I guess... :(
Finally...
I managed to create a real blog here... a bit late (maybe more), but hey... better late than never, rite...
Anyway... Ehm... Just want to say hi to everyone here and...
by the way... again... you can request me for some songs, since I downloaded some songs here as well... so... 
I'll wait... 
Catcha later...
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This morning,or last night,I dont know,I dreamed about me getting a laptop...Gosh,I'm sure I really want to have it,but cannot afford it n no one wants to give it to me.I wonder when can I get it.I want it,I want it,I want it.Anybody wants to give it to me?Bet none,not for now anyway...Hope it's soon...Sooner than I hope.Haha!!!
I’ve wanting to write about this guy a lot. Mr. Opportunist. Let’s call him Mr. O (for Opportunist instead the other O).
(But today, I don’t actually know if it’s the real full moon or not)
I walked out the house and guess what I saw? A full moon, which shone so bright, that’s what I saw. It was very bright, like the brightest that I’ve ever seen. Although in fact, I’ve seen the brighter ones before this one. But this, this one seemed so beautiful. Why? Because of you, dumb! The man who forwarded an unimportant (well, maybe it was important) forwarded text to me this morning. I assumed that you were thinking of me while you were sending the text. Gosh, I hate to admit, but I miss you every time I read your name in my phone list…
I just watched the Lake House (from the book Il Mare), Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves played it. I thought it was just another drama with impossible story line. How come anybody, talk to each other at different timeline, different year?
