Aware and Ready

As I sit here thinking about what have I done, I kind of feel stupid. Too stupid for making so many mistakes that I could’ve avoided beforehand. But, if you ask whether I have any regret, or do I feel sad, I’m pretty sure I’m going to say ‘no.’ I’m sure feel disappointed and I do feel angry, but this matter worth no tears coming out from my eyes.

All I do is keeping my promise not to walk out, not to walk away. I will not break my own promise to anyone. I make promises I can keep. I have put my heart on my sleeve, all my effort, and every little bit of my happiness and sadness to keep the promise just to find out that it’s impossible to do it alone. Now all I see is myself saying, “At least, it’s not who’s walking away.”

I’ll stay here, as tired as I can be, but I’ll survive, I’ll get by, somehow, in time.

Don't worry about me. I'll be fine. It's you the one whom you have to worry. You're hurting yourself by hurting me. Stop doing this or you're going to hurt yourself even more. And again, I'll be here, just like before. Aware and ready to heal you J

A Letter To The Bee

Hello there… I’m freaking exist here. Not just some piece of old effin junk. Would you mind to take at least a second to think about what you will say? Please take time to consider if your words might hurt someone or not, especially when that someone is right around you. Would you?

For goodness’ sake, I’m as exist as everybody else. I am strong but I do have feelings too. I can feel and I will.

As I said before, the world is not revolved around only you, bee!!!

Soundtrack Pt. 6

TAKING CHANCES

Don't know much about your life.

Don't know much about your world, but

Don't want to be alone tonight,

On this planet they call earth.

You don't know about my past, and

I don't have a future figured out.

And maybe this is going too fast.

And maybe it's not meant to last,

But what do you say to taking chances,

What do you say to jumping off the edge?

Never knowing if there's solid ground below

Or hand to hold, or hell to pay,

What do you say,

What do you say?

I just want to start again,

And maybe you could show me how to try,

And maybe you could take me in,

Somewhere underneath your skin?

What do you say to taking chances,

What do you say to jumping off the edge?

Never knowing if there's solid ground below

Or hand to hold, or hell to pay,

What do you say,

What do you say?

And I had my heart beaten down,

But I always come back for more, yeah.

There's nothing like love to pull you up,

When you're laying down on the floor there.

So talk to me, talk to me,

Like lovers do.

Yeah walk with me, walk with me,

Like lovers do,

Like lovers do.

What do you say to taking chances,

What do you say to jumping off the edge?

Never knowing if there's solid ground below

Or hand to hold, or hell to pay,

What do you say,

What do you say?

Don't know much about your life

And I don't know much about your world

Soundtrack Pt. 5

IF I DIDN'T LOVE YOU

So good

When it's good I wanna spend my whole life lovin' you

But I'm tired

And you don't know how close I've come to leaving you

You try my patience

And you race me to the wire

It takes every ounce of my will and desire

If I didn't love you

If I didn't love you like crazy

If I didn't love you baby

As much as I do

I'd just walk out the door

I couldn't take it anymore

I wouldn't put up with what you put me through

If I didn't love you

It's hard

But you won't give up 'till you

Push me to the wall

But I know

You're the only one who'll be there for me

When I call

(oh yes you will)

I can't help believing

That it's worth it somehow

Cause I've worked too damn hard

To wanna give up now

If I didn't love you

If I didn't love you like crazy

If I didn't love you baby

As much as I do

I'd just walk out the door

I couldn't take it anymore

I wouldn't put up with what you put me through

If I didn't love you

If I didn't love you

Nah, If I didn't

If I didn't love you like I do

When you love someone

Nothings black or white

When the riptide runs

There's no wrong or right

I'll sail with you but I'll refuse to drown

So don't you take me down, down

Take me down down

Don't you take me down, down, down

If I didn't love you

If I didn't love you

I'd walk out that door

I don't need it anymore

Need to put up with what you put me through

If I didn't love you

If I didn't love you

If I didn't love you

If I didn't love you like I do o o o

I'd walk out that door

I'm not comin' back no more

No more

One Once Said Pt. 2 - Belajar

Aku belajar diam dari banyaknya bicara

Aku belajar sabar dari sebuah kemarahan

Aku belajar mengalah dari suatu keegoisan

Aku belajar menangis dari kebahagiaan

Dan...

Aku belajar tegar dari kehilangan.

Orang yang paling bahagia tidak selalu memiliki sesuatu yg terbaik

Tetapi hanya berusaha menjadikan setiap apapun yang hadir dalam hidupnya yang terbaik

One Once Said Pt. 1 - Kekuatan

Harus mempunyai

kekuatan mimpi,

kekuatan perjuangan,

kekuatan pengulangan,

kekuatan fokus dan konsentrasi,

kekuatan pembelajaran,

kekuatan berpikir positif,

dan kekuatan cinta...!

Be Not Afraid, My Dear

Be not afraid, my dear

For what we have is something real

Shall not think that it’s nothing

But do dream big instead of weeping

Be not afraid, my dear

For what might come ahead of us is near

Shall not give up yet wondering

But do hold my hand and keep moving

Be not afraid, my dear

For what you think you’ve got no pedigree

Shall not say that it won’t go anywhere

But do look into my eyes and find there

Be not afraid, my dear

For what I say this year

Shall not scream you can’t talk to me

But do carry my heart with glee

Be not afraid, my dear

For what we are might be surreal

Shall not afraid of looking deep

But do believe I care and let's leap...

Watching You

I stand across the room

Watching you

Unaware of the situation that turns me blue

I put my heart on my sleeve

Watching you

Unable to see the perfect circumstances or any other clue

I close my eyes with the blindest blind

Watching you

Unresponsive to a feeling so true

I do my best

Watching you

Unsure to step forward and admit that you want me too

Meet the Judge

Living in this life is simply not only to judge or to be judged. There so many obvious beautiful reasons to live this life.

Judging someone is an easy thing to do. I could judge people in any way I want to. The hardest part is to find out how to judge them fairly.

Next comes the questions, “Does fair judgment really exist?” “What does fair really stand for since everyone has quite different definition about fairness?” “Do people really in need to judge?” “Do you think you like to be judged?”

Maybe judging is a natural thing that humans do.

If so, go ahead and judge me because I will judge you as well. I won’t mind. Just like I don’t mind you breathing in every step of your life.

I played with fire, I enjoyed it, I got burned, I am blessed

To be honest, at some pints, I know that this thing is not going to work that easy, or maybe it’s not going to work at all. But hey, I do it anyway. Just like Kelly Clarkson’s song, “It’s a long shot, but I say, “Why not?”. If I said forget it, I know that I’ll regret it…”

Here I am, being fearless, being absolutely terrified but jump into it anyway. I realize what the consequences might be and all the bad and hurtful feelings that might come my way. Some of them are here already. I brace myself to face each of them with all my heart. This is my decision, I have to be ready for the risks, no matter what it is.

All the sweet things came first, all the sweet promises. And then, here I am at the next stage, where everything is not about those sweet things anymore. Negligence, insecurity and disappointment are also part of it. But, I’m hanging in there. You can say that I enjoy every step of the way that I’m taking right now.

Knowing that someone needs you is an amazing feeling. Knowing that they care for you without saying is heartwarming. Able to be there for them although they are miles away is irreplaceable. And I love every single bit of it.

There comes a time when reality strikes. When it’s hurt and I don’t know where to stand right now. Yes, I do feel sad and disappointed at that time, but surprisingly, I know I’ll get by, and I did, I still feel fine.

I played with fire, I enjoyed it, I got burned, I am blessed.

Soundtrack Pt. 4

HERE YOU COME AGAIN

Here you come again
Just when I begun to get myself together
You waltz right in the door
Just like you done before
And wrap my heart round your little finger

Here you come again
Just when I'm about to make it work without you
You look into my eyes
And lie those pretty lies
And pretty soon Im wonderin
How I came to doubt you

All you gotta do
Is smile that smile
And there go all my defenses
Just leave it up to you
And in a little while
You're messin' up my mind
An fillin' up my senses

Here you come again
Lookin' better than a body
Has a right to
And shakin' me up so
That all I really know
Is here you come again
And here I go

All you gotta do
Is smile that smile
And there go all my defenses
Just leave it up to you
And in a little while
Youre messin' up my mind
An fillin' up my senses

Here you come again
Lookin better than a body
Has a right to
An shakin me up so
That all I really know
Is here you come again
And here I go

Here I go
And here I go
And here I go
Here you come again
And here I go
Here I go
And here I go

Soundtrack Pt. 3

WHITE HORSE

Say you're sorry
That face of an angel
Comes out just when you need it to
As I paced back and forth all this time
Cause I honestly believed in you
Holding on
The days drag on
Stupid girl,
I should have known, I should have known

I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet,
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town,
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now it's too late for you
And your white horse, to come around

Baby I was naive,
Got lost in your eyes
And never really had a chance
My mistake, I didn't wanna be in love
You had to fight to have the upper hand
I had so many dreams
About you and me
Happy endings
Now I know

I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet,
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town,
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now it's too late for you
And your white horse, to come around

And there you are on your knees,
Begging for forgiveness, begging for me
Just like I always wanted but I'm sooo sorry

Cause I'm not your princess, this ain't a fairytale
I'm gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well
This is a big world, that was a small town
There in my rearview mirror disappearing now
And its too late for you and your white horse
Now its too late for you and your white horse, to catch me now

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa
Try and catch me now
Oh, it's too late
To catch me now

Friends Sorting

I was talking to my friend about how I want to erase some people in my life. It's rude, I know. It's mean, hell, yes, I know. But, sometimes it's kind of hard to keep them in my life. It's hard when you have to deal with things that you actually avoid to remember or reliving, things that you are trying so hard to forget. Yet, you could not erase them that easy since they all related to your other friend. One after another. So, what should I do? Avoiding alone is not enough...

Soundtrack Pt. 2

Cowboy Casanova

You better take it from me
That boy is like a disease
You're running
You're trying
You're trying to hide
And you're wondering why you can't get free

He's like a curse
He's like a drug
You get addicted to his love
You wanna get out
But he's holding you down
'Cause you can't live without one more touch

He's a good time cowboy casanova
Leaning up against the record machine
Looks like a cool drink of water
But he's candy coated misery

He's the devil in disguise
A snake with blue eyes
And he only comes out at night
Gives you feelings that you don't want to fight
You better run for your life

I see that look on your face
You ain't hearing what I say
So I'll say it again
'Cause a know where you been
And I know how it ends
You can't get away

Don't even look in his eyes
He'll tell you nothin' but lies
And you wanna believe
But you won't be deceived
If you listen to me
And take my advice

He's a good time cowboy casanova
Leaning up against the record machine
Looks like a cool drink of water
But he's candy coated misery

He's the devil in disguise
A snake with blue eyes
And he only comes out at night
Gives you feelings that you don't want to fight
You better run for your life

Run, run away
Don't let him mess with your mind
He'll tell you anything you want to hear
He'll break your heart
It's just a matter of time
But just remember

He's a good time cowboy casanova
Leaning up against the record machine
Looks like a cool drink of water
But he's candy coated misery

He's the devil in disguise
A snake with blue eyes
And he only comes out at night
Gives you feelings that you don't want to fight
You better run for your life

Oh you better run for your life
Oh you better run for your life

Soundtrack Pt. 1

Show Me Your Colors
S Cub 7

Yeah
You cast a spell over me
I don't know where to turn to any more
I see your face
Every morning when I wake up
Every night when I go to bed

You're here with me some how
I don't know how
I can feel you here right now
So close
So real

Do do-do do-do
Show me your colours

Show me
Show me your colours
Show me
Don't break this spell I mean
Please don't break my heart

Show me
Show me your colours
Baby
Tell me who you really are

I know you want what I want
Far away
But still within our reach
Do you dare
Are you brave enough to show me
What your heart really wants to? (heart really wants to)

I say your name to my self out loud
When I have you all around
Like a cover for the cold and the outside
Making love out in the candle lights

Do do-do do-do

Show me
Show me your colours
Show me
Don't break this spell I mean
Please don't break my heart

Show me
Show me your colours
Baby
Tell me who you really are

Baby
Don't tell me I mean nothing
After all you did
(After all you did)

Baby, don't you tell me
Tell me I mean nothing
Tell me I mean nothing to you
Please show me now

Show me
Show me your colours
Show me
Don't break this spell I mean
Please don't break my heart

Show me
Show me your colours
Baby
Tell me who you really are

Show me
Show me your colours
Show me
Don't break this spell I mean
Please don't break my heart

Show me
Show me your colours
Baby
Tell me who you really are

I'm not allowed to adore you
The way you know I really want
But I do
Even though it's been a nightmare
To pretend that it's all okay
It's not the easiest thing to avoid
Damage is already done
I'm in love with you