A Divine Gentleman

Okay... I met this lovely fine gentleman. I don't actually know him, but I've been noticing him since I first saw him... Where? At the church... I know, you're not suppose to go to church to find guys or anything in particular other than to pray and such, but hey... i can't help it, I have eyes... Lord will understand. Haha...
Now back to this gentleman. First... he's married, since he always comes to the mass with his wife and daughter... and now, he's got another child, I think the baby is a baby boy. His children are adorable... They really do. His daughter is beautiful and course the baby is cute. Gosh... And he seems to love em very much!!!
By the way... Then I come to think why do I fall easily to the kind of gentlemen like he is? I always fall easily to men who have kids already, especially when they got really close with the children. Oh my God... =D I even thikn and imagine that I'm actually their mother or their wife... It's like... I want one of those. Haha... Yeah... I really want one of those. A divine gentleman, to spend all of my life ahead with him...

Gosh, I Miss Him...

You don't know what love is till you lose it, you don't know what you got till it slips away. Gosh!!! It's so true... I miss someone today. But all of the sudden, it brings the memory of someone, not this someone that I miss so much today, but the other one, the other someone. Someone who once loved me more than he could ever imagine, but ended up walked away... I realise that I keep blaming myself for this. Well, I maybe I am to blame, but... I don't know... I never hate him afterwards, we kept in touch for awhile, and now... none... He never return any of my calls or texts. He never careless if I want to help in again, no strings attached, just none... nothing... Makes me sad, though... Do I miss him??? Do I still love him??? Good question, hun... Just leave it unanswered!!! By the way... that TLC's song goes to him... forever!

I Miss You So Much - TLC

I never asked for this feeling, I never thought I would fall, I never knew how I felt till the day you were gone I was lost. I never asked for red roses, I wasn't looking for love, some how I let my emotions take hold. And guess what? All at once I'm in love. I miss you so much, I long for your love. It scares me 'Cuz my heart gets so weak That I can't even breathe. How can you take things so easily? Baby, why aren't you missing me? Why did I act like you mattered? It was silly of me to believe That if I just opened my heart Things would come naturally Joke's on me...yeah. I did not ask for love letters, So why did you give them to me? How could I let your intentions get over on me? So in love, So naive. I miss you so much, I long for your love. It scares me 'Cuz my heart gets so weak That I can't even breathe How can you take things so easily? Baby, why aren't you missing me? And oh How I hate what you have done, Made me fall so deep in love. God knows You're the only one I want That I love. I miss you so much, I long for your love. It scares me 'Cuz my heart gets so weak That I can't even breathe. How can you take things so easily? Baby, why aren't you missing me? Baby, why aren't you missing me? Baby, why aren't you Miss... Missing me?

Sorry if I miss you...

I didn't mean too

It's just a feeling that strikes me out of the blue

Hope it won't bother you...

Love Doesn't Have To Hurt

Love doesn't have to hurt to feel good... Yeah rite. Sometimes... Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't. It does when you're trully in the mood of lovely fun kind of loving. But love hurts when... it hurts... :( Love hurts when you cannot keep or have the one you love on your side... When someone said that if you love someone you don't have to have him on your side, don't you think it's hurt to know???
Sometimes I even ask myself if I really love somebody... Funny. I guess, i'm too scared to fall in love... Afraid to open my heart for someone... Afraid to take chances that it will really hurt...

Who Can You Trust?

I thought I can trust this friend of mine. Well, it's not really the first time that I've been stabbed from the back by someone whom I thought is my best friend. Gosh.. .How stupid am I to let this to happen again after awhile? Shame on me now... :( But, am I wrong to put my trust on him? We shared a lot and he just walk away like that??? Well, I tried to understand him, and conclude that he's a big ass opportunist... I'm no longer important in his life ince he found a new bunch of friends... gosh... Childish... But it happens.
But then again, I always said to myself that I won't dump him as my friend. You have to be able to accept your friend for the way they are, anyway... :(

The Right Man - Christina Aguilera

So many years have gone by Always strong, tried not to cry Never felt like I needed any man To comfort me in life But I'm all made up today A veil upon my face But no father stands beside me To give this bride away Well, I'm standing in the chapel Wearing my white dress I have waited for this moment With tears of happiness Here I leave behind my past By taking the chance I've finally found the right man Thoughts racing fast through my mind As I'm gazing down the aisle That my future will mend the memories Torn between father and child My emotions overload 'Cause there is no hand to hold There's no shoulder here to lean on I'm walking all on my own Here I go.. Now I'm standing at four corners "To have and to hold", Now my love, you stand beside me To walk life's winding road And I owe it all to you For taking that chance You've shown me there's a right man 'Cause I never knew a right man Well I'm standing in the chapel Ready to confess That I've waited for this moment With tears of happiness Now I leave behind my past By taking the chance Oh, whoa Well I'm standing at four corners "To have and to hold", Now my love, you stand beside me To walk life's winding road And I owe it all to you For taking the chance And one day, my little girl Will reach out her hand She'll know I found the right man..

Save Me From Myself - Christina Aguilera

It's not so easy loving me It gets so complicated All the things you gotta be Everything's changing But you're the truth I'm amazed by all your patience Everything I put you through When I'm about to fall Somehow you're always waiting with Your open arms to catch me You're gonna save me from myself From myself, yes You're gonna save me from myself Ooh, whoa yes, mm My love is tainted by your touch Well, some guys have shown me aces But you've got that royal flush I know it's crazy everyday Well, tomorrow may be shaky But you never turn away Don't ask me why I'm crying 'Cause when I start to crumble You know how to keep me smiling You always save me from myself From myself, myself You're gonna save me from myself I know it's hard, it's hard But you've broken all my walls You've been my strength, so strong And don't ask me why I love you It's obvious your tenderness Is what I need to make me A better woman to myself To myself, myself You're gonna save me from my.. Myself

The Goal of the Unknown

Flock of birds

cover the dirt

There ain’t no nerd

of the unheard

Where have you been?

Hey, you’re just a teen

Made licking things

of the unseen

The flower grows

a step and more

to reach the goal

of the unknown

My Reflection

My REFLECTION has AWAKE AND BREATHE

and is now IRRESISTIBLE

WISHING….

WAITING FOR THE DAY

for A GIRL LIKE ME to PLAYING MY GAME

But AM I THE KINDA GIRL?

A PASSENGER who will follow the RAINBOW

and fly like a BUTTERFLY in the SUNSHINE

HERE ON EARTH, in A WALK TO REMEMBER

I’ll take the WALK OF LIFE from COAST TO COAST

all with SPIRITS in it and it’s FOREVER

I’m going to get the FIRST IN LINE

to PAINT THE SKY WITH STARS

and TELLING EVERYBODY

who TALK ON CORNERS and CROSSROAD

that THE SOUND OF MUSIC

and all that GLITTER

will come as ONE in everyone’s DAYDREAM

LET’S GO BANG!

JUST BE FREE!

SPICE UP YOUR LIFE!

RIGHT NOW!

Don’t get LEFT IN THE MIDDLE

DREAM A DREAM about A DIFFERENT BEAT

And you’ll get THE NEXT BEST THING
THIS WAY,
in the WORLD OF OUR OWN

Whistling Bird

Watching the flocks go by

One bird just left out in a branch of a tree

in front of my house

Careless people just walk on by

Without even take a li’l glimpse to what’s around

So that li’l bird just stands alone

Singing to a song that’s never been heard before

Fearless, confidence
are the things it’s and the song’s all about

Gone To Waste

The sun sets amazingly

The sea birds fly gracefully

If both pick up the pace

they’re forming outline of your face

The sounds of rolling wave

keeps spelling your name I saved

And the breeze fondly blow my face

aware that a moment’s gone to waste

There’s a shadow moving steadily towards me

A silhouette’s flying low like an origami

Wishing it’s you I see

For now the twilight descends

Here in your arms, the heaven sent

it’s something captured in the sweetest scent

Mask of Clay

I wanna take off this mask of clay

that I use all along the way

Don’t want to bother about it no more

cuz I’m getting tired to clean it

It’s causing me a lot of sore

But it’s really hard to take off all of it

This beautiful mask is getting hard to carry

Loaded me with stuff and sweet memories

Though I know I cannot go on hiding

cuz there’s something even more beautiful in me

Journey of Life

As I sit here...

Waiting for my journey of life

I kinda think of what it would be like

if I had you by my side

Would it be niceto feel your warming hugs

every time I need one, not as cold as ice

Would it be soft

to feel the palm of your hands

when you guide me as I lost

Would it be sweet

to feel your lips pouting mine

and to feel your heartbeat

I kinda have this never ending thought

Is it just a summer feeling of begging you?
Or is it something surreal that I can lost into…

Blindly Blindfolded

It’s cloudy out there

And the sun hides

behind the skies

Can’t look nowhere

The sound of the crows

get in the crowd

Crows in doves-clothes

Beauty that is skin deep ‘bout

Singing,but cannot hear the tune

Flying,but cannot see the wings

Blindly blindfolded

Our Pure White Hearts

I want to show a piece of my heart

where every dream of mine is yours delight

And with the companion from the sun that shines so high

I want to take you to the light
To the light

where darkness will run and hide

To the light

where we are nowhere to be found

So we can make love throughout the night

and burn our eternal love forever

in our pure white hearts...

Unconfy!!!

What would you do if you don't feel confy being around someone but you must interact with that someone for some reason such as work? Plus, that someone is actually a friend of yours. Gosh!!! I don't wanna be called a rude girl who hate her friends and be rude to them. But, I really don't feel confy being around a friend of mine. He keeps doing something 'weird' to get our attention and it definitely bothering us. And there is another thing that bothers me even more, he keeps 'throwing' himself at me. I can't stand it now! I've had enough. Why didn't I tell him??? Because I don't want to have anything to do with him. I wanna keep my distance. At least, for now... until... i don't know... It's mean, I know, but... I need time... :(

Hard To Be A Mediator

Being a mediator is definitely not an easy thing to do. you cannot take side and for me, it's a pretty hard thing to do. Cuz sometimes, being fair is being mean to the other one, and I don't want that to happen, although it has to. You can always give em explanation why do you have to do it, but it is often not working since emotional people won't think clearly, at least they hard to think clearly and they tend to not thinking clearly if you take them to that certain topic.
Ay... Well, at the end of the point, I'm proud being a mediator. It means they trust me to solve their problem and they'll pretty much listen to me... So, I ca ndoctrinize them... HAHA... JOKING!!!

Work, work, work...

Entering the working world is not as hard as I thought it would be. Well, at least until now. haven't doing anything much, though. But, I think it's gonna be just fine time and time ahead... hope it will.
Everybody in High/Scope bandung seems to be nice. Start from the owners and my future co-workers, if I got through the 3 months probation. I really want to get into the high/Scope community a lot. It's really a great opportunity for me to grow, to work and just to everything.
Just wish me luck, will ya?
The pre-training day...

I didn't do much but to observe and help a little. Well, they didn't ask me much too. But, they'll evaluate that day. But I have mu defense that I prepare if they questioning my action. I'm just so ready... Because I knew I did my best :D
can't wait for the trainning day. But I don't know what will happen on those days to come.

What A Feeling...

I always tell myself not to involve my feeling too deep to someone else before you really know them. But it's kinda hard. I always know myself as the one who easily fall in love with anything, not just anyone. Gosh... I'm just making myself too emotional at times... I mean, most of time. Is that a crime? Because sometimes I consider it a crime. Since it wearies my soul a lot. Just keep thinking and denying that I don't actually love em. Just lonely sometimes...
But there are times when I just keep on realize that I love him... Keep denying it, but the truth just come back over and over again... I love him. He doesn't know it. I believe. I don't even think that he would care at all. Nad I don't even know if I care at all about he's loving me in return. Gosh... Am I a genuine idealist who always say that I don't want to have another relationship with my friends sice I don't want to ruin the realtionship that is there and good enough to go... or "If you love someone with all your heart, you won't need that someone to love you in return since you love them unconditionally with all your heart..."
I thought I won't ever fall in love with my best f riend. I won't fall in love with someone who knows me inside out. I don't want to fall in love with him, I don't wanna ruin our great friendship. I don't wanna lose him. We both agree that we won't let this kinda love to stand in our way. But I can't... I surely can't... And I can't say how I really feel. Afraid that he will push me away... I can't even say I miss him too much too tell...
Everytime he shares his pain, everytime he's hurt by his friends, I just wanna hold him tight and say that he don't need to worry cuz he got me ahere and love him for the way he is... :(

I really hope that he could just read my mind all along... And come here tell me what i really need to hear...